Thoughts about Judas and Suicide.

Scripture passage that caught my attention today: Matthew 27:3-5 When Judas, his betrayer, saw that Jesus was condemned, he repented and brought back the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and the elders. 4 He said, “I have sinned by betraying innocent blood.” But they said, “What is that to us? See to it yourself.” 5 Throwing down the pieces of silver in the temple, he departed; and he went and hanged himself.

Observation: Judas tried to do the right thing. But the people who could have prescribed a form of penance refused to do their job, which left Judas in an emotionally and spiritually precarious position.

Application: This Judas’ whole situation is, admittedly, complicated territory. In Scripture he’s known as “a” disciple of Jesus and “the” betrayer of Jesus. In tradition he has often been more or less assigned to hell, either because he betrayed Jesus or because he took his own life or both. Jesus himself said of Judas prior to the fact, “It would have been better for that one not to have been born.” (Matthew 26:24) Those are strong words; I suspect they lingered in Judas’ emotionally and spiritually precarious mind.

For me the saddest part of this story is in today’s reading when Judas clearly endeavored to confess his sin and yet it fell on deaf ears. He was given no reasonable way out. And so he took the unreasonable way out he took his own life.

Lot’s of ironies here. Peter said he would never deny Jesus, but he did. Peter said he would die with Jesus, but he didn’t (at least not until he was martyred many years later). All of the official ‘disciples’ deserted Jesus. The unofficial disciples (the women) hung around. When Peter recognized his own sin, he went out and left. When Judas recognized his own sin, he came back and tried to make amends.

Today I’m left wondering what Judas’ suicide was all about. Was it his ultimate act of confession (as in, I have sinned and am completely in the wrong) or was it his ultimate act of penance (as in, I will give absolutely everything I have left to give)? Or was taking his own life an even greater sin than betraying Jesus in the first place? And when Jesus said “it would have been better for that one not to have been born,” did he mean because of the betrayal or because of the suicide or because he came back to confess his sin and no one would receive his confession?

Answer? I don’t know. But I most certainly wonder…

Prayer: Dear Lord, be with all people who consider taking their own life and with those who have loved those who took their own lives. It is tender ground where the questions are many and the answers are few. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

(Readings today included: 2 Samuel 18, Psalm 56, and Matthew 27)